Never Say Never

It’s hard to believe that Marshall is going to be a month old tomorrow! It feels like we just brought him home. Yet, it’s amazing how much has happened and how much I have learned about being a mother in just four short weeks. The number one lesson … Never say never. I can say all I want what I would like to do and how I picture things happening, but my life now is unpredictable and I need to be ok with plans changing. For instance …

I never thought I would ask for pain medication and an epidural during labor and delivery – Well, that was a joke. I got to the hospital and asked for the pain management IV almost right away and, after over 12 hours of labor, I asked for an epidural. Who would have thought it? The sissy who panics about the slightest poke or the most minor loss of feeling was laying there in a hospital bed not only hooked up to an IV, but with a plastic tube threaded up my spine providing a beautiful numbing sensation from my waist down. So much for natural childbirth … Never say never.

I never wanted to give my newborn a drop of formula and had grand plans to only provide him with the best Mother Nature had to offer. I was going to be a purest when it came to the art of breastfeeding. It’s amazing how a fever and a stay at the hospital because your newborn is dehydrated can throw that plan out the window.  After not producing any milk for nearly a week after giving birth, Marshall certainly received his fair share of formula and still is. Although I am concentrating on breastfeeding and am successfully producing milk now, I am so scared of sending my baby boy into dehydration mode again that he still gets his formula bottle once or twice a day.

I never thought I would need to give my baby a pacifier. After all, he doesn’t really need one and when it’s time to take it away as he gets older that’s just an added fight to have with a toddler. Not a battle I want to fight and an unnecessary y battle I think. Well … That was my philosophy until I discovered that little Marshall is a sucker. He loves to suck and takes comfort in it. I have discovered that often he is not hungry, but just wants to “breastfeed” for the sake of having something to suck on. And now, in an effort to not have my breast hanging out a full 24 hours a day, Marshall is free to suck on a pacifier if he is still seeking the comfort suck after breastfeeding till his little belly is overflowing. I have found the pacifier especially useful at bed time when my stubborn little boy is fighting off sleep.

Yep, I have definitely learned to never say never and that life is now unpredictable. I have learned that I have to be okay with that. It has been hard for me, but I’m working on it. I have definitely done my fair share of beating myself up for not doing what I felt was right. I have discovered that I can’t be supermom, although I’m still holding on to that ideal a little. I just have to remind myself that what I’m doing now and the way things have ended up is how things should be. After getting to know my little boy, his personality and his wants and needs, I am doing what is right for him. And when it comes to how I will do things in the future, I better never say never again.

Phew … A Crazy Couple Weeks

He's here...He's finally here! I am now a very proud mama of a beautiful and perfect little baby boy. After 27 hours of labor, Marshall James was born on Friday, September 19, at 2:19 a.m. He weighed 8 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20 inches long. It was a long road to get to this point - full of the unpredictability and the unknown - but was totally worth it.

With an expected due date of September 13, little Marshall made us wait an extra six days for his arrival. His debut was not only very much anticipated by my husband and me, but everyone around us. My coworkers were disappointed to see me each additional day that I showed up to work and our friends and family members would call every afternoon just to check and see if anything was happening.

After a 24 hour stay in the hospital postpartum, we were able to bring baby Marshall home. But before we could settle in with our new addition we were back at the emergency room having Marshall seen for what we thought was blood in his diaper and what turned out to be a high fever. Marshall was poked and prodded for all kinds of tests and was admitted to the pediatrics unit for 48 hours. Talk about one of the scariest things to ever happen to a brand new mother, much less a first time mom too. The good news is everything turned out ok and we were able to once again bring our baby boy home.

It's hard to believe that just over two weeks ago Marshall arrived. So much has happened in such a short time - it feels like it's been longer. Yet, at the same time, the last two weeks have flown by. Getting to watch Marshall discover the world little by little each and every day is truly amazing. I just wish I could control time in order to slow it down so I could have just a little longer to cherish every moment.   My adventure as a mom has begun.

Hospital Visit Round One

It's 6:55 a.m. on Thursday morning and we have just returned home after a three hour round one visit to the hospital. The waiting game begins again.

Last night starting at about 8:45 p.m. contractions began (I call them contractions because I have no other point of reference being a first time mom and I think that's what they were). They continued consistently about every ten minutes, transitioned to every five minutes and, starting around 10:30 p.m., were every three minutes. That's when I started to get excited. After all, my doctor told me to report to the hospital once my water broke or once my contractions were three minutes apart. However, not wanting to be an overzealous first time mom, I decided to wait one hour to make sure they continued at this pace. At this point, my "contractions" are an uncomfortable tightening of my whole belly to the point where I need to take a deep breath and then it would pass.

Sure enough midnight rolled around and the uncomfortable tightening was still occurring on the money in three minute intervals - but I still wasn't convinced. Contractions have got to hurt more than what I was experiencing. So, after much discussion with Thom, we decided to go to sleep and wait to see what happened.

At 2:30 a.m. I awoke and could not fall back to sleep. As I lay in bed, I began timing my contractions again. Sure enough, still about three minutes apart and I began thinking that perhaps they were even a little more intense. I decided to wake Thom. After timing four more intervals for me, we decided it was time to go to the hospital.

We arrived at 3 a.m. via the emergency room since the main doors were locked and within a couple minutes of registration were ushered to OB Triage. Although only in the waiting room for a couple minutes, I began to doubt if I should even be there. A husband entered pushing his wife in a wheel chair and she was clearly in quite a lot of pain - rolling her head from side to side, breathing heavily and occasionally pounding the arm rest of the wheel chair. Wow, I clearly was not in enough pain yet ... I even had just walked from the Emergency Room to OB Triage, no wheelchair needed.

We didn't wait long and once in the exam room, I was immediately hooked up to all the monitors and the nurse was diligently taking my vital signs. Although we've gotten to hear the baby's heart beat numerous times, it is still one of the coolest things ever when it fills the air of the exam room. And indeed, the monitors were showing that I was truly having contractions. Validation for me at last ... I was beginning to think I was making them up since I wasn't writhing in pain.  

After examination, I was dilated only a little over one centimeter (same as my doctor appointment last Friday), but was effaced 90 percent (I was only 60 percent at my last doctor appointment). As the nurse said, "some progress was being made," but it was still a little disappointing.  The cause she had for concern was my elevated blood pressure. After taking it several times, it was not coming down. They decided to do blood and urine samples before deciding what to do.

Once test results were in showing all levels were normal, they sent me home. Although I am a little disappointed the practice run to the hospital was not more successful, I am grateful that Marshall seems to really be on his way. I can hardly wait to meet him! An added bonus is I get to be comfortable at home until I just absolutely cannot stand it anymore. As the nurse put it "Don't come back till you wipe that smile off your face and you couldn't possibly get back even if you wanted to ... or when your water breaks."

 So for now, I will be here at home resting, trying to store up some sleep, and trying to be active on and off to help labor along a little. Wish me luck for round two!  

Will He or Won't He??

We are now down to the wire. The question remains ... will Marshall decide to hold up his part of the deal with his father or won't he? Will he decide to hold off on making his debut until after tonight's  Bulldog football game, will he decide to begin his entrance into the word beforehand, or for maximum impact will he wait until the most crucial moment in the game to begin his movement toward the light?

Being nine months pregnant, three days away from my due date and more than ready to meet my son for the first time and hold him in my arms - I personally don't care when he decides to come as long as he decides soon. However, I will admit that for the sake of making both the men in my life (my wonderfully football obsessed husband and my unborn son) happy, I will dutifully cross my fingers that little Marshall holds off on making a move until the game is wrapped up and the Sierra Linda Bulldogs have hopefully successfully put up another win for the new school.

Here's keeping my fingers crossed and anxiously awaiting the outcome.  

Father and Son's First Deal

Well we are coming up to the final week of our 40 week journey and Marshall managed to hang in there through this week, allowing Thom to attend and successfully coach his new freshman football team to their first win on Wednesday night. From the time I woke up on Wednesday, I talked with Marshall throughout the day reminding him that although his dad can hardly wait to meet him, it would be very considerate of him to let his dad make it through his first game. Well he listened to his mama, and he is still hanging in there.

Thom's game went very well and it was lots of fun to watch Thom get his first win of the season. With a brand new freshman team, at a brand new school where most of the kids have never played football before, and they just started practice three and a half weeks ago, the win meant a lot. It was the first football game ever for Sierra Linda High School and they were able to record a win. GO BULLDOGS!!!!

Thom arrived home after the game in the best of moods and we had fun discussing the events of the evening. My favorite part of the night however has to have been when Thom spoke with Marshall. Through my stomach once we retired to bed, Thom thanked Marshall for holding out and staying put for the first game and let him know that he could now come at anytime ... anytime between now and next Tuesday that is. Thom's next football game is Tuesday, September 9, and Thom and Marshall discussed that Marshall could arrive anytime between now and Monday night and if he is still holding out as of Tuesday morning, he needs to stay in my belly until after the game. And there it was, the first Father and Son deal was born. They seem to have come to an agreement.

It's fairly amusing the think that any of our deal making or coaxing is having an effect on when Marshall will arrive. As first time parents it's kind of nice to live in this imaginary world that your unborn child is already listening to you and obeying your wishes. On the other hand, if that was the case, Marshall would have arrived when I was trying to coax him out last weekend. Who are we kidding? Marshall is going to come when he wants and on his terms. Till then, I will continue the coaxing just to make myself feel better. This weekend I plan to get lots of walking in, continue to eat lots of pineapple, and see what other recommendations I can find online for more old wives' tales on how to get labor started.

The Anxiety of When and Where

The countdown continues with one week and four days remaining until the estimated arrival date for little baby Marshall. The anticipation and excitement is not only building to new heights for Thom and me, but our surrounding family and friends are also beginning to feel the anticipation building. As time goes by, and we continue to move closer and closer to our estimated due date, I also find my anxiety level rising as I wonder when and where I will be when labor starts.

Will I be calmly sleeping in my own bed, will I be at work, will I be driving somewhere, or will I be sitting on my couch during a lazy weekend afternoon? What will happen first? Will contractions start or will my water break signaling the start of labor? These are questions that cannot be answered, but it sure would make things easier if they could. With heightened anticipation and excitement for the arrival of our baby already being felt, it sure would be nice to lower this added anxiety. If I could choose my ideal situation, I would begin labor while being at home where I could try and keep myself comfortable while Thom began timing the length of and the timing in between contractions. We then could proceed to the hospital calmly and together. What a great start that would be to the coming hours of labor that we would be embarking on.

However, knowing the way things typically go for Thom and it could never be as calm and as organized as the ideal situation mentioned above. We seem to always have to have more to a situation than that that ... we have to have a story. One that makes us laugh through tears of frustration and perseverance. Our relationship seems to have been based on stories that can always be laughed at after the fact. The when and where of me going into labor will surely make for another great story. That certainly doesn't help the anxiety level, but it does make me curious about the story that is about to be written forever into our lives. We will just have to wait and see. I'm sure baby Marshall is going to decide to begin his final journey into the world when and where I least expect it. After all, he too will now forever a part of Thom and my adventures that seem to make for the best stories out there.    

A New Haircut for the New Mama

I forsee in my near future little time for an extensive beauty regimen or pampering. From what I hear from friends and family, once the baby arrives there will be some days that I will be lucky to get a shower. So ... today I took a pre-emptive strike. Today I took the time to go to the salon and get a haircut. Knowing that I won't have time after baby's arrival to primp in front of the mirror for forty five minutes while I blow dry, flat iron, and style, I got a cute new haircut.

When I arrived at the salon and my hair stylist asked me what we were doing today these were my simple instructions: I need a haircut that can be wash and go without having to style it, but that still looks super cute because lots of pictures that will last a life time are going to be taken of me in the next couple of weeks.

I knew I wanted something easy, but something cute. Despite my swollen face and the minor acne breakout I am currently experiencing, I want to know that the first pictures of baby Marshall and I will turn out cute. I am all about the simplicity of just being able to wash my hair, step out of the shower and go on my merry way while still being confident enough that someone can snap a picture that will end up in photo albums family and friends will look at for years to come.  

I think we accomplished just that. I am excited to play with my new cut and I am confident that it will work out just the way I wanted it to.

Thirty-Seven Weeks and Just 3 More to Go

Another week down and just three more to go until the big day. It's getting harder and harder to believe that little baby Marshall will be here soon and I will get to hold him and kiss him and smile at him. He will get to see us for the first time and we will get to start speculating who he looks like most.

On the flip side, the big day is not happening soon enough. The anticipation is climbing with each day and as for me, I am so ready to stop sharing. I would like my body back to myself, back to do with what I wish. I look most forward to being able to roll over in bed without having the slowly sit up first and try to flip just like I picture a beached whale would have to, I look forward to bending over to retrieve something from the floor in a lady-like manner without the sumo wrestler squat I have to make now, and I look forward to being able to cuddle up next to my husband once again at night instead of being encased in my U shaped pillow cocoon.

Ah yes, the big day will bring many great things with it.

Shh...Don't Wake the Pregnant Lady

This is where you will find me every evening ... sleeping on the couch. It's my new routine. Get home from work, change my clothes, and promptly find my way to the most comfortable position on the couch and put my feet up. It certainly doesn't take me too long and before I know it, Thom is waking me up several hours later so I can go to bed. With three weeks and four days left until the estimated arrival of little baby Marshall, I have to get my shut eye whenever and as much as I can. So, until Marshall arrives, if you're trying to find me in the evenings, just check my couch. But please try and be quiet, you wouldn't want to wake the pregnant lady.  

Thirty-Six Weeks and Counting

The final countdown has begun. I have reached 36 weeks and am beginning my 9^th and final month of pregnancy. Although I am excited and can hardly wait for our new baby boy to make his appearance, I am also in disbelieve that in just another week, he will be considered full-term and could arrive at any time. What a thrill that is and at the same time ... a little scary.

As a first-time mom, I truly have no idea what to expect. I have read all the books, which provide lots of information and include several horror stories, I started the birthing classes a couple of weeks ago, and for the most part I feel ready, but still really have no idea what I have gotten myself into. The closer my due date gets, the higher my anxiety level gets.

Will I really be able to do this? As of right now, my plan is to go completely natural, no pain medication. I think this is the best decision for me, not only because of the simplicity of it for the baby, but also because of my tendency to panic in hospital situations. I do much better in situations that I am in control of, where I feel what I'm supposed to be feeling. To me, having an epidural and allowing the bottom half of my body to go numb is not normal, the pains of labor are normal, I am supposed to feel those. Hundreds of thousands of women over the years have given birth naturally. Our bodies are built for it, so I too am going to bite the bullet and go for it. We'll see how it goes.

The good news is that overwhelming the anxiety of giving birth is the excitement that we soon will have a little baby boy named Marshall to take care of, be responsible for, and to love! I can hardly wait. I know that the birth process will quickly be forgotten when I get to see my little guys face for the first time.    

So here we go ... the final countdown is on:

36 weeks - 4 weeks left till due date

Current ailments: swollen ankles, moving slower and slower, uncomfortableness rising, and a very itchy rash on my belly, legs and arms.

Great Way to End the Week

What a wonderful ending to a busy week - an hour and a half of girl time!

My friend and I just got back from a visit to my favorite nail salon where we put our feet up and enjoyed a little self indulgence with manicures and pedicures. It was totally worth it! Due to a busy week, both at work and personally, my poor legs and feet had had enough of me - I think they were getting ready to stage a revolt. Well, now hopefully they have forgiven me, and we can move forward to make it through five more weeks of pregnancy together.

The calf and foot massage was definitely a highlight to the evening. Oh, and I can't complain about the great massage chair that worked several knots out in my back either. Overall, a much needed rejuvenation has taken place and in addition, my nails look beautiful. There is nothing like a manicure and pedicure when it comes to making a girl feel pretty and pampered.

By the way, my favorite nail place? If you live or are visiting the Goodyear, AZ area and are in need of a little self indulgence of your own, visit Estrella Nails and Spa on Estrella Parkway just south of I-10. It's clean, has very friendly staff, and the massage chairs are great!

Latest Belly Check

My visit to the doctor this week went fairly well. I am in my 34^th week of pregnancy and my belly measured 34 ½ inches. The doctor seemed please and according to everything I've read, your belly measurement should more or less correlate with the week of pregnancy, so I was pleased as well.

Weight gain was a little hard to swallow this week. Since my last belly check two weeks ago I gained seven pounds. Oops, thats what a little stress eating and lack of exercise will do to you. Better luck in the next two weeks and so far so good. I have packed my lunch today full of fruit, raw veggies, soy beans, and lean chicken. Overall I would say I am off to a good start for the next two weeks.

During my appointment, I also got the news that I belong to a group of select few. Now normally this may be very exciting, but under the circumstances ... not so much. I have developed a pretty irritating rash above my belly button (or I should say what used to be my belly button) on my stretch marks. According to Dr. Ray, this is a minor case of PUPPPs. I know, I smiled too - PUPPPS, that sounds so sweet and innocent like a little cuddly puppy dog. Well, I can assure you that the stinging itch of this little cute named condition is not cuddly or friendly.

PUPPPS stands for pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy and is sometimes referred to as polymorphic eruption of pregnancy (PEP).  Only about one percent of pregnant women experience the itchy red pumps and patches of a hive like rash on their growing bellies. According to babycenter.com, PUPPPs usually develops in the third trimester and is most common among those carrying twins or those having their first baby.

The cure: Childbirth. It's just that simple. Although the doctor said I can treat the symptoms for now with hydrocortisone cream or Benedryl cream, my belly rash will likely not completely clear up until after little baby Marshall's arrival. So for know, let the cream application begin while keeping an eye on my very special red bumps to make sure they don't spread and get worse.

For more information on PUPPPs or other itchy skin conditions of pregnancy there is a great article at www.babycenter.com --- Itchy Skin during Pregnancy.

A Quilt for Baby

Baby showers are definitely a highlight of pregnancy. It’s a time for friends and family to “shower” the parents-to-be with love and congratulatory celebration. Plus, I’m not going to lie … opening all the cute and fun to play with gifts is a huge plus of any baby shower. Thom and I sure have received some wonderful and very thoughtful gifts and it is because of the thoughtfulness of our friends and family that we have been able to collect all the major necessities for the arrival of our little baby boy. We couldn’t be more thankful for their willingness to celebrate with us in anticipation and for being so generous.

I have appreciated everything we have received so far, but I was truly touched by one gift I received during my recent shower hosted by my boss at the office. One of my co-workers made the most beautiful quilt for baby Marshall. I cannot believe the detail in the handcrafted project and can only imagine the amount of time it took her to complete.  I never would have expected a co-worker to go to such great lengths to complete something so wonderful for my new bundle of joy. It will truly be a treasure for me and I’m sure Marshall will love it! A huge thank you goes out to Linda Gagnon for her hard and very beautiful work.

Glimpses of Marshall

When miracles and technology collide an awe inspiring ultrasound picture is created. I will never forget the images and movement I have been able to witness during our three ultrasound sessions. To anyone considering having a 3D ultrasound, I highly recommend it! What an amazing experience it is to see how much the baby growing inside of you has developed, complete with facial expressions and movement.

I will post all our ultrasound images soon.

Welcome to Teddy Bear Tales

Let me begin by introducing myself ... I am eight months pregnant and enduring the summer weather of over 100 degrees in Phoenix, AZ. With six weeks to go until the estimated arrival of my new baby boy, I am on the final countdown and can hardly wait. I am looking forward to documenting my last month of pregnancy and life's little moments as my life changes forever when I become a first time mom.

My husband, Thom, and I are in for some real changes. As the time gets closer the excitement builds and so do the nerves. Are we ready, do we have everything we need, what should we expect at the time of delivery, am I really going to be able to go through labor without any pain medication? Those are just a few examples of the many questions that are on replay in my mind.

I hope you enjoy reading about my antics as a pregnant women on the countdown, as well as the touching and probably fairly amusing moments of first time parents and a newborn baby boy getting to know each other. Check back often, I have lots to share and updates will be made often. Thanks for stopping by!